All I want for Christmas (and New Years) is You
by Charitable Millionaire
Summary: Sirius thinks Hermione hates him. But there's actually only one thing Hermione wants for Christmas...and it starts under the mistletoe. But will she be brave enough to tell him? Warnings of Molly Weasley, boxing day, the twins, pranks, giant chocolate frogs & cruelty to house-elves.
1. Christmas at Grimmauld Place

_Author's note: I just finished my Halloween Sirius story today, so I'm going to complete this one next and thanks to Akatsuki'sBloodyNekoNinja, belieber twihard, JenniseiBlack (who writes lots of awesome sirmione so you should check her out), Fl0ra, guests, chemicalflashes, violetbuckbeak (thank you again), sparkyshe-demon, hillstar, sereniterose,_ Padfoot120, Hollowg1rl, guest, Hollowg1rl and anjaquickert9 _for reviewing and bringing this story to my attention. This story's a bit of a mess though so I need to rewrite it and I will try to get a beta to help me. anyways... wish us all luck and happy ho ho ho ho-lidays, :D_

 _If you spot any typos, let me know so I can fix them, thanks :D_

 _Also this story originally was part of a prequel to my Bookworm and the Azkaban Escapee novel back in 2014 but it was a complete mess so it ended up splitting into three different sirmione stories...yup writing can be difficult sometimes!_

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 **Chapter 1: Christmas at Grimmauld Place**

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 _._

 _"God rest ye, merry hippogriffs" - Sirius Black_

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Sirius' first Christmas at Grimmauld Place after two decades was an occasion to remember. It was a bittersweet privilege that he could welcome the werewolf Remus, the muggleborn Hermione and the blood traitor Weasley clan to his ancestral home for the holidays. Sirius was in such a good mood lately that nothing that normally bothered him about Grimmauld Place could bring him down. The shrunken house-elf heads, that normally made him feel disgusted, were now cheerfully decorated with Father Christmas hats and beards. And instead of screaming back at his mother's portrait, he merely chuckled at her over-the-top supremacist hate speeches. It certainly made Remus laugh whenever he heard himself referred to as the "degenerate flea bag".

Although the Ministry attack on Arthur Weasley had been shocking and disturbing, Sirius could not help feeling secretly glad that because of it Harry and the entire Weasley clan were now staying at Grimmauld Place for the entire holidays. Somehow the idea of spending Christmas with just Buckbeak, and Remus, didn't compare to celebrating with the whole gang. In the days leading up to the 24th, Sirius could not help loudly singing carols as he went about decorating the house.

It was the first proper Christmas for either Sirius and Harry. Sirius remembered Christmas with his own family as a stately affair, an opportunity used to display wealth and status, without any real warmth to the celebrations. Regulus and he were expected to behave as perfect little purebloods, "examples of good breeding", in front of guests. And then for fourteen years, he had no Christmas at all while being a prisoner and then a fugitive.

Harry hadn't had much better luck with the Dursleys. That muggle family never wanted the wizard-born Harry and never made the least effort to pretend they wanted him. Their cold, shriveled up hearts could not bother to even pretend to care about Harry for a few hours on Christmas. For Harry to spend at least one Christmas with any type of a loving family member, even if Sirius was only a godfather, was a big deal to him. And Sirius did his best to make their Christmas at Grimmauld Place an unforgettable one. He even placed a stocking by the fireplace for Buckbeak and filled it with dead rats and snakes. Everyone was disgusted by it, especially Molly Weasley, but they didn't have the heart to take it down.

On Christmas Eve, they all sat around the dining table with silly, tinsel hats and overfull stomachs from a Christmas feast that could've knocked out an elephant. Even Ron, if that was possible, looked full. In the background, tiny flying Santa and reindeer ornaments whizzed through the air, while the whole house had been enchanted to fall with softly twirling snowflakes. Every time Sirius looked around the table, Nymphadora was making another funny face or otherwise changing her hair in some way. He had only just met the daughter of his cousin Andromeda Black, but the clumsy metamorphmagus was beginning to grate on his nerves. Not only was she clumsy but she was impolite. And she always hogged Remus when Sirius wanted to have a one-on-one conversation with him. Apparently, Miss Tonks didn't understand the meaning of "butting in" or interrupting a private conversation. Though Sirius had an excellent prank in store for her.

"Sirius what's in these things?"

"They're called Christmas crackers, Tonks, you just open them."

"I know that, but what's in them?"

Sirius looked over at Remus. "Did you tell her anything, Moony?"

Remus smiled sheepishly but Tonks answered for him before he could speak. Just like an old wife already, Sirius thought.

"No, he didn't, Padfoot!" she said Sirius' code name with a sarcastic emphasis.

"Then why is she suspicious?" he asked, addressing Remus again and ignoring her.

"Because I wasn't born yesterday, Sirius!"

"That's debatable, what are you fifteen?"

Tonks sent a tap-dancing hex at Sirius, "No, I'm twenty-"

He deflected the hex with minimal effort. He had already amused everyone twice by letting Tonks hex him into dancing like Micheal Flatley in Riverdance.

"Could have fooled me."

He sent a balding hex at her, hitting her square on. Immediately, her multi-coloured tresses fell to the floor like confetti. For a moment, Tonks looked shocked at the heap of her hair on the floor. For the first time, Sirius saw the confident metamorphmagus blush as she felt her bald head with her hands.

"If it helps, I think it makes you look older..." Sirius said but did not have time to finish as a bald Tonks started charging towards him with her wand outstretched. The crazed auror was halted midflight, however, as Ron ignorantly opened one of Sirius' Christmas crackers. In an instance, fireworks as loud as cannons were shooting through the dining room. It was like trying to avoid colourful missiles at close range.

Over the loud noise, someone managed to shout, "Ron, you idiot! I told you not to open it!" He thought it sounded like Hermione. Hermione was usually reprimanding Ron for something stupid he had done. Which was pretty often.

While everyone else scrambled from the room, Sirius ducked underneath the dining table for shelter. It was a long, ancient table made from solid wood as thick as a slab of stone. If there was an earthquake, it would probably be the safest place to seek shelter. Hermione was there at the other end of the table. Apparently, she was the only one smart enough to immediately duck under the table rather than risk being hit by a rocket while fleeing.

Sirius observed her messy locks and disgruntled expression. She did not look happy. He tried to look as innocent as possible as they waited for the fireworks to subside. They both held their ears, hoping they wouldn't go deaf. When the fireworks finally ended after what seemed an eternity, Sirius gave her an apologetic half-smile. Hermione merely raised her eyebrows at him, looking more disapproving than ever. Of him and his pranks.

Sirius felt strangely infuriated.

After the fireworks, the rest of the evening passed by relatively quietly with most of the Order Members flooing back to their houses and Molly taking Arthur back to St. Mungo's. Which left just Sirius, Lupin and Tonks to deal with the gaggle of kids. Unfortunately, Lupin was the only one with an ounce of maturity so it was more like the former professor was babysitting all of them. Including Tonks who had seemed to have forgotten she was an auror who was supposed to protect Harry, not careen around Remus like a giggling schoolgirl.

When Sirius started a broomstick drag race within the house, Remus decided he had enough for a night. He yanked Sirius aside and tried to talk sense to him.

"Sirius, can you stop drinking firewhiskey in front of the kids and act your age! What kind of example are you setting?" Remus whispered furiously.

"Take it easy, Moony, it's Christmas." Sirius said ignoring Remus and looking back at the race as Harry closely followed by the twins and Ron zoomed by on their broomsticks."Look how happy Harry is to show off on a broomstick! He's just like James."

"Need I remind you these are Order headquarters, not a playhouse! What if Dumbledore comes back.."

"I don't give a damn what Dumblesnore thinks, this is still my house-"

"Fine. Have it your way but I'm leaving," Remus said, going towards the fireplace.

"Now, Moony, don't be like that!" Sirius pleaded after him, genuinely upset that his only best friend was leaving him, "What about Tonks, you can't leave me with just her and all these kids. You know how clumsy she is, something bad could happen."

"Sorry Sirius."

Remus disappeared into the flames, leaving him standing by the fireplace.

"Sirius get out of the way!" Harry's voice bellowed from around the corner. Sirius barely ducked in time to get out of the race track as the boys passed by again on their broomsticks.

Damn it, that would've hurt quite a bit if a broomstick had got him in the side.

"Sirius! Are you alright?" Tonks said as she hurried to his side and tried to pull him up by his arm.

"I will be, if you just let me get up on my own," Sirius said as he waved her off him. He didn't want the clumsy witch helping him, she'd probably pull off one of his arms by accident.

"Where's Remus?" Tonks said, spooling a candy-cane coloured lock around her finger.

My wasn't she obvious. The girl was probably already planning her wedding to Remus.

"I don't know," Sirius lied. "I can't imagine why he would take off without you."

Sirius winked at her. He felt like slapping himself for being such a dog but he couldn't help it. He had drunk at least 3 firewhiskeys, which wasn't much but it was enough to rid him of self-respect. Nymphadora was the only viable female in his house, probably the only one that would ever walk in this house...unless Mad-Eye suddenly sprouted a pair of breasts.

"Did you just wink at me?" Tonks asked incredulously.

"What's it to you, wish it were Remus winking at you instead?"

He really deserved a double slap right now. Too bad, Remus wasn't here to stop him. Grumpy old werewolf.

"No, I just assumed COUSIN Sirius," she practically screamed out the word 'cousin'. "That you hated me!"

Nonetheless, her fingers went back to play with her hair which now looked like melted caramel. He did in fact sort of hate her, mostly because she was clumsy and tactless. But could he truly hate the only shaggable chick that would ever walk in his house?

"We're second cousins, once removed," he said soberly.

"What does 'once removed' mean?" Tonks asked intently, as if she were actually seriously considering his offer. "Are you referring to how you were once removed from the family tree?"

"No, but we're practically strangers by pureblood standards, you know Lucius Malfoy married his first cousin, none removed."

"Eww," Tonks said but then she started giggling.

But Remus would hate him for it. Damn cock-blocking bastard.

"You know what, can you just forget I said anything? I'm going crazy here," he said, lifting up the firewhiskey bottle from his jacket pocket.

"Yes!" Tonks said in relief. "I mean, it's not you, but it would have made things incredibly awkward at Order meetings."

She didn't have to explain. The Order meetings were already awkward with Tonks constantly looking at Remus with Remus avoiding looking at her at all costs, while Sirius tried to jinx him with jelly legs under the table. Plus, Sirius was nearly certain now that McGonagall looked over at him once too many times than was necessary.

Sirius and Tonks went back to the living room where the kids had joined together.

"Oi! What are all these presents?" Tonks asked hopefully.

"Last minute presents, courtesy of us" Fred and George said with a flourish. "We felt bad we didn't get anything for anybody, especially after you lot all gave us a good pile."

"Well, I didn't actually get you boys anything," Tonks said. "Course I feel bad about it now!"

"Don't worry, Nymphadora, we got you something anyways!"

"Thanks, but DON'T call me Nymphadora."

The twins handed over a small package to Tonks and a large package to Sirius. Sirius noticed that Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione also had beautifully wrapped packages in their hands. Which they were looking at suspiciously after reading the attached cards. Hermione especially was frowning as she read her card and then whispered something to Ron. Ron nodded glumly and then said something to Harry.

Sirius read his card which was attached to a package suspiciously like the size and shape of a life-sized doll: "Dear Sirius, We know a handsome guy like you must be frustrated that you can't go out. So here's something to help you enjoy your time in. P.S. Everyone knows you have the hots for our mom but don't try anything or we'll kill you. Merry Christmas, George and Fred."

Sirius didn't know whether to laugh or feel insulted. He just knew there was no way he was opening this package...at least not in front of the kids.

"Thanks George, that was a nice card you wrote me. It was quite thoughtful," Ginny said.

"Thoughtful?!" Ron said in disgust. "My card says, 'Hey little Ron, you can be a right turd sometimes, Merry Christmas, George and Fred. P.S. Don't open this package inside or it might explode.' "

Several people, including Harry and Sirius, stifled a laugh.

"Did you hear that George? We got him a present and he's complaining!"

"I don't remember him getting us presents!" Fred said.

"Like hell I'm going to believe this actually contains a broomstick," Ron protested, though the longing look on his face betrayed that he was still contemplating opening the package which looked temptingly like the shape of a broomstick.

"I believe the correct words are 'thank you' when someone gives you a present Ron," Fred lectured his younger brother.

"Oh shove it!" Ron growled.

"Ungrateful git."

"Don't expect anything next year."

"My card is addressed from Frorge and Gred..." said Tonks, toying dangerously with the bow, "but I agree with Ginny, the card was thoughtful."

Sirius rolled his eyes. He could only imagine what the twins must've wrote.

"...No, it is!" Tonks persisted. "They wrote that they appreciate the role I played in helping save their father's life."

"I appreciate it too," said Ginny emotionally. "We won't ever forget it, Tonks...You're like family now."

Tonks's eyes were beginning to water as were Ginny's.

"Yak, yak, yak, will you girls open your presents already?"

"Yeah, we don't want you crying all over your nice new gifts," Fred quipped, before winking at his twin. "Save the waterworks for New Years."

Tonks and Ginny were about the open their presents when Hermione yelled at them to stop as if they were about to open a bomb.

"Hey, what's your deal?" said George and Fred in mock offended tones. "You have a gift too."

"These are obviously NOT gifts, they're pranks," Hermione said, referring to her package which looked innocently like a wrapped up book.

"Ouch! Where's your yultide spirit?" George said.

"Yeah? Me and George spent time picking out presents for you ungrateful lot."

"The card you wrote me was shamefully insulting and I plan on throwing it out unopened!" Hermione stammered, her cheeks blushing.

"That's a shame, you could really use what's in there," said Fred innocently.

"I DO NOT NEED WHAT YOU SAID I NEED IN THAT CARD!" Hermione screamed before throwing the package in the fire and running from the room.

"What's her deal?" said Fred

"Yeah? Ginny and Tonks said our cards were thoughtful!" George said.

"What exactly did you say in the card?" asked Harry in concern.

Harry's question was never answered as Tonk's opened her present. For a split second, they all breathed a sigh of relief because it appeared to be a musical box. Until she winded it up and it exploded in a loud bang of red and green slime that began to sing Christmas carols in elvish. The slime was sticky and hard to get rid of but everyone couldn't help laughing. Everyone except Hermione who had long left.

Sirius found himself annoyed once more by the Gryffindor bookworm. Hermione had good sense but did she have to be so uptight and condescending? Of course, a present from Fred and George was bound to be a joke or jinxed. But would it kill anyone? No. Would it make them laugh? Yes. Would it make for a memorable Christmas? Again, yes. But some people couldn't take a joke could they?

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a/n - oh dear, that doesn't like a good idea sirius! Happy ho-ho-ho holidays XD

Also if you liked this story, I also wrote a short little ficlet "A Ronks Christmas"

thank you


	2. Denial Ain't Just a River in Egypt

**Chapter Two: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt!**

a/n: If you read the original version, this chapter was very short and ended where Hermione and Ginny finished chatting, but in the new version here I extended it by adding another twins scene and another Sirius and Remus scene. Thanks and merry Christmas :) Also it was a struggle for me to write Hermione so please bare with me if she sounds very confused and conflicted, she is. and thank you to my beta for helping out :)

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"Oh, he's so bloody immature!"

"I know, I only have to live with them," Ginny said.

"No, not your brothers, Sirius!"

"Sirius?" Ginny asked incredulously. "I think he's just bored. Doesn't get out much."

"It's no excuse," Hermione said callously.

"My brothers are still worse though." Ginny suddenly smiled and looked at her chipping teal blue nail polish. "Hey, what did that card they gave you say? You never told me."

Hermione blushed. "For a very good reason, it was absolutely mortifying!" She cringed as she remembered what Fred and George's naughty Christmas card told her.

"Oh c'mon, what did it say? You have to tell me, you can't just NOT tell me!"

Hermione bit her lip. _Oh dammit._ If Ginny wanted to know something, she would pester her and pester her until she got the answers.

"C'mon, Hermione," Ginny pleaded. "It made you angry enough to toss the present into the fireplace. What was it?"

"I shouldn't have said anything!"

"Well you bloody well did—so out with it! I promise I won't tell anyone. Trust me. Please?" Ginny's eyes were huge and pleading.

Hermione nodded and recited the awful card Fred and George had penned to her, "Your brothers wrote, 'Dear Hermione, Merry Christmas, we've noticed that you're all alone and totally have it bad for Sirius so we thought we'd help along by giving you the courage you lack, so here's a..." Hermione lowered her voice and whispered what it was to Ginny.

Ginny's jaw dropped. "They didn't!"

Hermione's face was beet red. "Yes. they. did."

Ginny clasped her hands over her mouth. "Oh, that is really bad!" She chuckled at how embarrassed Hermione was. "It's true though isn't it?" Ginny's smile widened. "You like Sirius, don't you?"

"I _do NOT_."

"Then why are you blushing?"

"Dammit. I am not blushing!" Hermione swore and yet she could feel her own blood pumping to her cheeks. "And even if I were blushing, it does not mean I like Sirius Black. Why are you jumping to conclusions?"

"Come off it. You're always fighting with him."

"That's because he's always doing idiotic things and pranks that annoy me."

Ginny's grin couldn't get any bigger. "Then why aren't you fighting with my brothers?"

"Uh, I—err—that is not fair Ginny." Hermione held her face in her hands. "Your brothers are—are just something I'm used to!"

Yet in the back of her mind, Hermione couldn't help thinking that Sirius was also a lot better looking, dark and alluring that her red-headed brothers.

Ginny laughed louder. "You are so adorable when you're in denial. Look in the mirror, you look like you've just been sunburnt."

"Well great," Hermione said and felt at her flushed skin with her fingertips. "Do you really think I like Sirius?"

"I think you might, if you get over the denial. Though don't worry, I don't think Sirius has noticed."

"Ginny, you promised you wouldn't say anything," Hermione warned, turning away from the mirror to stare the redhead down.

"I know, I won't." Ginny grinned. "Though what makes you think Fred and George won't say anything?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes and grabbed the hilt of her wand. "Oh trust me, they better not try anything, because they know I'll hex them into the other world if they do! They've already made enough unfounded insinuations as it is."

Ginny laughed as she lounged back in a chair and stretched out her long legs. "You're a bit scary sometimes. Would it really kill you if Sirius knew?"

Hermione thought about that. What would Sirius think if he knew?

Obviously, he didn't reciprocate her feelings. Sirius didn't even look at her much. Sometimes, she even thought that Sirius hated her a little.

"No. Ginny that would not be a good idea...Sirius and I do not get along. If he knew, he'd probably laugh at me. He's Harry's godfather, for Merlin's sake." She pressed at her forehead.

"I still think you should tell him."

"No, Ginny that would be wrong. He's way older than me, he'd be shocked or hate me for it."

"I don't think he'd hate you for it."

"You don't know that."

"You don't know until you try."

"No Ginny, just no."

Ginny's eyes sparkled with mischief, a bit too much like her brothers.

"So you never thought about using that gift my brothers gave you?" Ginny giggled.

Hermione turned red in the face again. "No, Ginny, why do you think I burnt it? I would never use something like that!" The bookish brunette crossed her arms tightly. Still an idea did occur to her. But no that would be way wrong. And there were some rules that shouldn't be broken right?

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* * *

 _ **Meanwhile back in the parlour...**_

"George, or Fred—sorry I can't tell the difference between you two blighters to save my life—what did you put in that card and present to Hermione?" Sirius asked the twins while they cleaned the enchanted slime off the wall with sponges before Molly found it. "It seemed to get her quite upset."

"I'd rather not say," George or Fred snickered.

"I hope you are not up to too much mischief..." Sirius warned them, trying for once to sound patriarchal in absence of their father.

"Says you?" the twins cooed with matching grins.

"Oh dammit. I joke around somewhat, but I do have my limits. I do hope you boys haven't created more trouble than you know how to deal with. A prankster should always know his limits!" Sirius declared authoritatively.

The twins snickered again as they wiped at the singing elvish voices of the enchanted slime from the wall.

"Well, it won't be us, dealing with it, Sirius." They laughed loudly. "Or our limits."

"What does that mean? Why are you laughing?"

Normally, he joined in on the twins laughter, but just now, Sirius was rather troubled by their laughter and what they were _not_ telling him. Sirius seemed to be the butt of some joke he didn't understand.

"Don't worry about it Sirius. She burnt the whole thing, so nothing will happen."

"Nothing will happen?" Sirius murmured, trying to think of what prank it might be that would involve him and Hermione. "I'm afraid you've lost me again. What would've happened if she didn't burn it?"

George or Fred—the blighters really did look exactly the same—tapped him on the shoulder. "Mate, shouldn't worry about it. We're very sorry about pranking those gifts, but we'll get this last bit of slime off the walls, and that should be the end of it. You won't hear a peep or word of it again."

"I should hope so." Sirius scratched at his beard. He sincerely hoped the twins wouldn't prank him further; he was rather very confused and tired and only half sober. "Make sure your mother doesn't see any of the slime, I'd rather not hear anymore of her yelling," Sirius said grimly as he made his way to the Floo Network.

"Where are you going?" the boys called after him.

"Remus's." Sirius shot them a sloppy grin and held up a half-filled bottle of Firewhisky. "He left off here much too early, and I don't think I'll let him off the hook without joining me in finishing this bottle." (And have him chat about the dire Tonks situation.)

The twins laughed as Sirius stepped into the fireplace and threw the Floo powder. "Remus Lupin's Flat. 88 Cedar Drive"

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* * *

"Moony! Moony!" he called as he stumbled through the messy flat. "I know you're still in here."

He stumbled past Remus's scratched up sofa; it looked like either Moony or a large dog had dug his claws and torn up that particular piece of furniture. Sirius shook his head and tutted. Poor Moony.

"I need to talk to you about the Nymphadora situation!"

"There is no Nymphadora situation. Now go away," Remus called, obviously from his bedroom where he was trying to sleep. "Besides her name is Tonks, not Nymphadora!"

Sirius chuckled. "See? You do like her, otherwise you wouldn't correct me on her name."

"Just shut up. She's told you many times not to call her that."

"You like her," Sirius insisted and opened the door to his bedroom.

"Just shut up." Remus turned over and covered his head with the pillow. "Tonks is just a colleague."

"Fine," Sirius said with teasing slowness. "A colleague with great tits. I guess you wouldn't mind then if I went back there and took her up on her offer to ride my broomstick?"

"YOU DID WHAT?" Remus growled, immediately jumping out of bed, and looking like he wanted to push up Sirius against the wall.

Sirius had been holding his breath, but suddenly his chest and arms started shaking and he let out a long-winded chuckle. "You see? You should see your face, Moony. It's hilarious how you can't even see something so obvious." He began to chuckle even louder at Remus's expense

Remus growled, managing to sound very feral and wolf-like despite being in his human, unchanged form. "What's obvious," Remus said moodily and reached out to pull his sheets and pillow that had fallen on the ground, "is I'm trying to sleep and you keep interrupting me. Why are you even here, except to pester me more?"

Sirius grinned and held up the still half-empty bottle of Firewhisky. "Care to join me? C'mon Remus, it's Christmas eve, you always used to get shit faced."

"That was a long time ago." The other man's lips pulled up at the corners. "Still..." He smirked. "For old time's sake..."

* * *

Remus, by the end of the night, drank 4 straight shots of the concentrated alcoholic beverage 'for old time's sake', and they had plenty of time to go over memory lane until the point where Sirius and Remus were both shitfaced and sobbing as Sirius reminded him of all the great pranks James used to pull.

"I miss James."

"I do too, buddy."

"Whatever happened to my life," Remus sobbed, as he cradled his drink in his large, scarred hands.

"Hey, it's not too late for you, you have Tonks," Sirius said even more reassuringly and drunkenly. He was about 10 seconds away from getting to that lovey-dovey drunk state where you hug whatever bro is beside you and tell the bro you love him while sobbing uncontrollably. However, he vaguely remembered he had to get Remus to admit to his feelings for Tonks and do something about it. "You could start a family with her, you could start over."

"Sirius, be sober, be real." Remus groaned gloomily. "Tonks is thirteen years younger than me!" Yet there was a tone of sadness in his voice when he said it.

Sirius clapped him on the back. "Get over it, mate. She wants you and you want her. There's nothing left to do but lift you're leg, mark her as your territory and drizzle all over that big, red, shiny metal thing. Let the other dogs know that tree, er hydrant is yours, and NOBODY can touch her! Cover that thing and presto she's yours, your mate, she is _youuurs_." His words were becoming more and more slurred.

"Sirius, you're not making any sense. I'm not going to pee on anyone." Remus coughed in embarrassment.

"I know."

"Tonks is not a fire hydrant."

"I know," Sirius said even more drearily. He felt the room swirl around him. "She's more like a...like a pink. uh..ball of..."

He was going to say like a pink ball of fluff, or pink pygmy puff, or something that rhymed, but Sirius passed out before he could finish that thought.

Vaguely, Sirius remembered Hermione screaming at him because of the prank—or was that Molly Weasley? They were alike, gosh, except one had red-hair and was 50-years-old—before he closed his eyes.

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* * *

Hermione stayed up most of the night, she couldn't really sleep after what Ginny and the twins' card told her.

 _'Dear Hermione, we know you have it bad for Sirius...'_ and the twins faces had lit up so much, in devilish delight, when they saw how red she turned and how she threw their lascivious, outrageous present in the fireplace. (And yet why had she reacted so strongly? So furiously? Even Harry had seemed to be surprised by her level of anger.)

Was it really truly what Ginny said? Did she in fact have a monstrous and totally in denial crush on Sirius? Was all her screaming and fighting with Sirius trying to cover up something deeper?

Hermione thought that over.

No, it couldn't be could it.

Sirius was just irresponsible and her screaming at him, had more to do with his behaviour, than her trying to be in denial or get his attention. Though Sirius was good-looking, she couldn't deny that. But that was it. His personality was a walking disaster.

"Completely ridiculous," Hermione told herself. "Absolutely ridiculous."

And yet a part of herself knew that wasn't true.

.

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	3. Boxing Day Ba Hum bug!

A/N: This chapter contains some of my earliest writing. 'All I want for christmas' used to be the prequel chapters to my other novel. So it contains lots of the same immature humour that you'll read in my novel Bookworm and the Azkaban Escapee. However, the next chapter will be more serious and emotionally mature. This chapter is mostly Sirius being a hungover idiot and babbling and making a bad impression. We will see Hermione's POV and the reasons behind her behaviour and her thoughts on Sirius's behaviour in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and if you like stupid humour, I've also posted a rather terrible story called "The Tom Riddle Who Stole Christmas" where Tom Riddle's diary (spoilers!) is scanned and uploaded to the internet where he causes more mayhem and Hermione has to stop him by infiltrating his chatroom and then everything goes downhill from there...

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 **Chapter 3: Boxing Day...What a Pile of Humbug!**

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During the last few days of their Christmas vacation, Hermione began to spend more and more time in the Black family library, or in her room. While Harry and Ron were intent on making the most of their remaining holidays, Hermione seemed completely focused on getting ready for the new school year. She was the only one–besides Sirius for obvious reasons–who stayed behind on Boxing Day. So she could read.

 _That_ had raised a few eyebrows. Including Sirius's.

If Hermione wasn't such an insufferable know-it-all, Sirius might have been impressed to meet a girl who chose reading over shopping. Even the boys, Harry and Ron, decided to get a bit spend-crazy on Quidditch equipment they had been eyeing for awhile at Quality Quidditch Supplies. Sirius himself caved in to the pressure and eventually gave his coin purse to Harry with instructions to pick him up some chocolates and other goodies. Even though Boxing Day began unceremoniously for Sirius and stayed that way for the rest of the accursed day.

It hadn't helped that he'd spent most of the previous night drinking. Of course, it didn't.

Sirius had been in the midst of a nice, deep sleep after a hectic Christmas when they were all awaken at 6am. By Molly Weasley. Who was shouting loudly and knocking on all their doors.

"Merlin's sake, what are you doing here Molly?" Sirius asked groggily after he had been awoken by her loud knocking on his bedroom door.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, Sirius. I didn't know which door was which so I had to knock on all of them! Where are Harry and Ron's rooms?"

Sirius pointed sleepily to their doors at the other end of the hall.

As Molly began to pound on the doors before stepping in and turning the lights on the poor boys, Sirius followed behind her, a bit alarmed and confused by her actions.

"What on earth is going on?!"

"It's Boxing Day, Sirius. Do try to keep up," Molly said matter-of-factly. "My family has already eaten breakfast and is all ready to go but I have to collect these two stragglers before they get left behind."

"Left behind from what?!" Sirius practically shouted, fully frustrated and more than a little pissed off that he had been awaken at 6am from a good, drunken sleep.

"From all the savings and specials, of course. It's a once in a year opportunity to save!"

Sirius thought Molly sounded exactly like a catalog and slapped his forehead. Had the world become upside down?!

Sirius looked mournfully at Harry and Ron as they dutifully stumbled about, only half-awake. One was trying to brush his teeth and get dressed while the other one was trying to stuff as many breakfast sausages in his mouth as possible.

What would become of this generation?!

"Shut up, Sirius," Molly said.

"Did I say that outloud?"

"Yes! And it's not as if our generation did any better! I can remember a particularly bad Order of the Pheonix Christmas party, in case you don't, Sirius!"

Sirius paled. He hoped to god she was not referring to THAT Christmas party. The one where he had gotten so drunk he actually tried to hit on Molly, despite how she was already dating Arthur Weasley at the time. Though truth be told, he was so drunk he might've hit on Dumbledore ('Oh Albus, did anyone tell you how fetching your beard is? It's soooo long.')

"Exactly." Molly smirked.

"That was NOT what you think it was!"

"Oh? Well maybe what you think I thought it was has nothing to do with what I'm actually thinking." Molly smiled in triumph.

Dammit, it was too early in the morning to actually follow any of this.

Sirius changed the topic before it got anymore dangerous, "You know what, Molly, I think I like this Boxing Day thing! Very Christmassy, the materialism is heartwarming...I'm going to get my coin purse!" He ran from the room.

He returned just as Molly, Harry and Ron were pinching Floo-Powder to get to Diagon Alley. He tossed his purse to Harry with instructions on what to get him.

"Harry, be careful," Sirius told him. "It may be the holidays to us but Voldemort doesn't take any holidays, does he?"

Harry nodded solemnly but still looked like he was half asleep.

"Hey, where's Hermione? Did she already floo ahead?" Ron asked, just noticing that only one of his two best friends was beside him.

"No. She doesn't want to come. She says she'd rather read! Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do with that girl!" Molly said disparagingly.

After the boys flooed, Molly was the last to leave. It seemed she purposefully wanted to single him out to make a disparaging comment.

"Sirius, do something about your hangover, you look a wreck."

"Thanks, Molly. Have a safe trip," Sirius said as if she had not just insulted him.

Damn her. Bloody right he was an exhausted wreck with a hangover. No small thanks to being waken at 6am when he had only gone to bed at 3am. Sirius headed straight back to bed and slept until 12.

When he awoke from his slumberfest, Sirius was starved and went straight to the fridge with his mouth salivating. He was looking forward to the maple-syrup roasted sausages he had prepared the other night. To his shock and utter horror, there was not one sausage left.

"WTF?! Buggering mother f**hjhiue8y7yr8778877653$#%$^%&^**&*! Fuck!" A horde of muggle and wizard expletives, that would make a sailor blush, came out of his mouth. He used swear words he would not even use among drinking buddies. Which was why he was shocked when he suddenly heard Hermione's voice behind him.

"Good morning Sirius."

He thought the house was completely empty, but there was Hermione sitting at the kitchen table, looking very prim in a Gryffindor red sweater with a book beside her cup of tea. Looking at him as if he were an animal. It did help that he had gotten out of bed with just his pants and no shirt on.

"Fuck."

Hermione raised her eyebrows, as if waiting for more expletives to leave his mouth.

"I mean, good morning, Hermione." Sirius paused awkwardly and wished he'd dressed properly before getting up. "Didn't realize you were there, forgive me..."

Sirius felt like an ogre without any manners. But then he remembered how stuck up Hermione had been last night about their pranks, Sirius's embarassment turned to anger. What right did she have to act like a second Molly Weasley or Walburga Black in his house? There were already enough bossy naysayers in this house.

"Actually, I'm not sorry."

"Pardon?" Hermione looked shocked. Sirius didn't even know what he meant exactly except to be belligerent and now he immediately regretted it.

"I mean, I am sorry but I have such a-a-headache"–hangover–"that I'm not really sorry right now. Not in this moment."

Hermione scrutinized him again with raised brows. Her cheeks reddening.

Okay, Sirius wished now he hadn't said anything. Because not only did he not make sense but he also sounded like a complete asshole.

"Sirius, are you alright?" she asked quietly. There was genuine concern in her voice. Which only made him feel worse for acting out.

"Yes, Hermione. Thank you for asking. I'm just tired, very, very tired." And drunkenly hungover.

It wasn't technically lying, but it was the truth by ommission. He said "tired" because Sirius didn't want to admit that after everyone else had gone to bed, he and Remus had stayed up drinking firewhiskey, reminiscing of old friends and bygone days. Memory lane sentimental stuff. Very Christmassy.

Sirius coughed uncomfortably.

Hermione, however, was not easily fooled. She was, afterall the brightest witch of her age, as he had told her so once himself.

Hermione frowned and then a little smirk appeared on her features. "Don't worry Sirius, I think I know what's troubling you."

The brunette went to fetch a batch of All-Sorrows-Begone syrup, a commonly known remedy for hangovers as well as headaches and choler. Sirius scrutinized the bottle, which had a label of an angry-looking baby on it. He knew exactly how that baby on the bottle felt.

"Oh, yes I have a headache! Thank you Hermione."

He let her feed him three spoonfuls and thanked her again.

Sirius knew she knew he was actually dealing with a hangover. He also sensed that she knew he knew that she knew he was hungover but both were content to not mention it. There was no fooling Hermione Granger. Afterall, in her third year, she had easily sussed out that Remus was a werewolf. Hermione could likely spot a hangover, thank you very much, whether or not she had ever drunk a drop herself. Sirius climbed up the stairs, wondering why he had felt so angry at Hermione but then had been unable to be express the slightest incivility. Instead, he let her spoon-feed him like a big walloping baby as he apologized repeatedly. What an idiot, he was.

.

* * *

When Harry and Ron returned from Diagon Alley's Boxing Day bash, Grimmauld Place once again hummed with life and the sounds of inhabitation. Harry and Ron were opening packages of their new quidditch equipment and generally making a ruckus. To their delight, Harry had brought back Sirius a chocolate frog the size of a small horse.

At first, Sirius was hesitant to open the gigantic package but Harry and Ron eagerly cajoled him to do it. They had their wands out ready to catch the frog if it decided to go on a rampage through the house. Sure enough, as soon as it was released, the giant chocolate frog hopped frantically away as if its life depended on it... which it did. (Though chocolate frogs aren't actual living frogs, as that would be cruel.)

The frog knocked down some precious porcelain and left brown skid marks as it hopped throughout Grimmauld Place searching for a pond or exit. Unfortunately, Ron reduced the frog to a giant turd of melted chocolate when he absentmindedly used finite incantem (rather than immobulus). Finite incantem, of course, ended all the spells on the frog, including the spell that made it a frog. What was leftover was the shapeless chocolate.

"Oh yuck, that doesn't look appetizing does it?"

"Looks like a troll took a dump."

"I'll get Kreacher to clean that up...By hand, no magic."

Sirius was a little let down by what had happened to his chocolate frog but he was more than cheered by the prospect of making Kreacher clean up what appeared to be a giant turd. As Ron and Harry went back to the living room, Sirius secretly transfigured the chocolate turd so that it smelt like an actual turd. Then he called Kreacher.

Sirius had a grin on his face as Kreacher strolled in at a slow pace, the house-elf was muttering his usual insults under his breath.

"Kreacher, clean this up. No magic. It's cursed and very dangerous!"

He transfigured a tiny plastic shovel and bucket, like the kind that muggle parents gave to their kids to play with sand on the beach.

"Here, use this." He gave the house-elf the plastic shovel.

Sirius left the hallway with a smile on his face. He just hoped Hermione did not walk through there in the next hour. No doubt she would spoil the fun as always and accuse him of cruelty while flashing her SPEW badge. Perhaps he had better make sure she wasn't coming downstairs. After his embarrassing behaviour this morning, he did not want a repeat.

With renewed energy, he sped up the staircase to the third floor.

He knew exactly where he could find her. Sure enough, Hermione was in the library snuggled against the windowseat that looked down on the frozen garden below. The windowseat in the library had also been his favourite spot when he was a boy. No one would have guessed by his behaviour at Hogwarts, where he had been too busy with pranks and general mischief to ever visit the library, but reading had always been his favourite pasttime. It was one of few escapes he had while he still living with his parents. Hermione was so deeply absorbed by her book that it was unlikely she would move for hours but to be sure... Sirius placed anti-disturbance, muffliato and anti-olfactory spells on the library. Luckily, with her nose stuck in a book, Hermione did not appear to notice anything.

"Sirius! Come down here!" Harry and Ron's voices called out.

Sirius went racing back downstairs. As he passed by the mainfloor hallway, he was surprised by how far Kreacher had progressed with just the tiny shovel and bucket. "You're quite industrious!" he couldn't help complimenting the house-elf. Kreacher mumbled something angrily under his breath. Sirius could only pick up the words 'Master Black' and 'turd'...or maybe it was bast-turd. But nevermind, Sirius was not going to compliment the house-elf on his pun skills.

In the living room, Harry and Ron had their faces scrunched in disgust.

"What the hell did you do that chocolate?!" Ron whined.

"You're one to talk! You turned my frog into a turd!" Sirius told him.

"Yeah, but now it smells like a turd!"

"Please, don't tell me he tried to eat it?" Sirius said looking at Harry and then back at Ron for smudge marks on his face.

"Oi, I didn't!" Ron said. "I don't even eat the Berty beans that taste funny."

Harry pleaded rationally, "Sirius, whatever you did, undo it. The whole house smells, we could suffocate."

"Don't worry about it, I have Kreacher cleaning it up. Just don't drink any hot chocolate he tries to offer you after."

Harry, Ron and Sirius were in the midst of laughing at his joke when they were disturbed by Hermione's voice.

"What on earth is going on here?!" Her voice was absolutely furious.

Fuck.

Hermione looked rather funny holding a tiny stained shovel in one hand and pinching her nose with the other hand...However, there was no mistaking the anger in her eyes. She threw the dirty shovel at their feet then dramatically pointed with her arm at the hallway.

"WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT MONSTROSITY IN THE HALLWAY?"

She was obviously referring the giant pile of turd-smelling chocolate.

Harry and Ron meekly pointed at Sirius. Sirius pointed at Ron but it was too late. Two against one.

"Traitors," Sirius muttered under his breath. He was always blamed for everything. Dammit.

After Hermione got out the whole story of the chocolate frog, Sirius expected her to hex him or at least lecture him on the fair treatment of house-elves again. But Hermione's response was much, much worse: nothing. She simply ignored him for the next few days before they had to leave for Hogwarts. She was not directly rude, she still greeted him and answered his questions, with a short statement or curt yes-or-no, but Hermione was about as warm as an iceberg towards him.

This hurt Sirius more than any hex or insult could. Whenever she looked at him now, it was as if she were looking at Lucius Malfoy or some other brute, house-elf abuser. Which was completely unfair. Sirius had never been cruel to any elf. The turd thing had been a prank and a well-deserved one. If anything Kreacher abused him, not the other way around! But Hermione couldn't take a joke could she? What on earth was her problem?

.

.

.

* * *

Author's Note: Yeah for giant piles of turd smelling chocolate! Siriusly though, Hermione needs to see that elves can abuse humans! Kreacher is a case in point of elves abusing humans! Poor Sirius. Hermione had her reasons, however, for getting cross with him and it was more than just frustration too. Do you think she can teach him to be more mature or will she realize that he is just a mess and she should move on and forget about her crush? Or does she actually hate him afterall? Actually I can't figure it out either


End file.
